First, my doctor's appointment. I had a pap done and had her check my butt hole since I had pooped out quite a bit of blood. All of that was fine, except the pap hurt like crazy. She was swabbing and I was like "why does that hurt so goddamn bad??!!" Apparently she was swabbing right up in the little cup where they sew the inner vag shut. That sucked.
So then we talked about my weight. She was asking if I had any questions and concerns and I said, "oh yes I do. I'm concerned about my fat ass."
She looked at my weight and said she was concerned too. I'd gained another 30 pounds since the last time I was there. She said she'd seen how much weight I gained and....... my dishwasher is making a very bizarre noise right now....... Important note, do not open the dishwasher when it's filling with water. Whoops.
Anyway, she said she saw how much weight I'd gained, and it wasn't showing any signs of slowing down. She asked about my hormones. I told her it was at 120 right now. She asked about my testosterone. I told her as far as I knew that was fine as well. I'd just had blood work done, and the only thing wrong was my high cholesterol and triglycerides. She said usually when they put women on HRT they keep them at a level that is considered post menopausal. This provides some relief from symptoms and keeps the possibility of getting lady cancer low. I guess if you flood the body with estrogen your tits will rot off. I told her I was still having hot flashes, and she mentioned that was probably part of my problem.
We talked about stuff I've tried. I told her about the bodybugg and counting calories, and about Farrell's, and how after getting no results, I hurt everywhere and have just given up. I asked about the lap band, and she said for someone like me, she'd recommend the gastric sleeve or gastric bypass. She said she's had several patients that have had the lap band procedure, and none of them were really happy with the results. She said the ads where they show people a hundred pounds lighter are the exception, not the rule, and that it's rare for people to lose more than 40 pounds with it.
That was kind of discouraging. I teared up a bit and said, "I don't want to go into my 30's at 300 pounds. I don't have a life. I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to put on clothes because nothing fits and nothing looks good. I don't fit into chairs. I struggle to wipe my own ass. I hate that my boyfriend has to be seen with me, and I just hate myself in general."
Thankfully she's been through hysterectomy and weight gain herself and is generally very compassionate. She said, "my dear, you're in hormone hades. No one has really studied what affect hysterectomy has on women under 30. I don't have any definitive answers for you, and it sounds like your endocrinologist doesn't either. But if you don't lose weight, and lose it soon, you will be diabetic, and you will have heart disease, and you will be looking into hip and knee replacements by the time you're 40."
She told me to look into the bypass options, and that Grinnell had a pretty good doctor that she'd referred people to. I told her I'd rather find someone closer, so she recommended I attend a bariatric meeting at Mercy.
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