The Wedding Singer

In my last post I think I talked about my conflicting hate and compassion I feel toward my dad.

After Tawny's wedding on Saturday my aunt came up to me sobbing.  This was at the reception so I was embarrassed.  She told me Dad went home crying and that I needed to call him.  Being an idiot I went outside and called him.  Bastard used up all my minutes.  I asked him why he wasn't at the reception, supporting his niece.  He went off on this rant, saying that we all made it perfectly clear we didn't want him there.  I reminded him that I was very welcoming, so was Squirt. 
He started going on about how Squirt couldn't keep her mouth shut, and how she probably has crabs and is spreading them all over Chicago.  I felt like I was going to puke.  Then he kept on, saying all his misery was Mom's fault, and that if she'd kept HER mouth shut, they'd still be together, and that when he punched her he didn't even leave a mark.  I was there asshole, I saw the goddamn bruise. 
I hung up.  He was pissing me off and wasting all my minutes. 
I used to be terrified of him.  When I got to high school I picked fights with him.  On one occasion he told me to get out of the goddamn house and sleep in the barn.  My mom was pulling on my arm, trying to keep me calm, but I said, "why don't you get off your fat ass and make me you sack of shit?"  I think he was so shocked he ended up just dropping it. 
Now.....  I don't confront him, I don't really mouth off, I just try to keep the peace.  I don't know why it's hard for me to say, "you bruised her you asshole, you scarred her for life, and if you ever talk about Squirt like that again I'll shove a rattlesnake up your ass."  It's what I was thinking for crying out loud. 

Anyway, I went back into the reception but was pissed off, so Squirt and her boyfriend Nick and I left.  When we got to Mom's condo, Squirt said she couldn't go back to Chicago with animosity, so she got in her car to go over to Dad's.  Nick offered to go with her, and I wanted to go as well, with my overactive protective thing I've got going on.  She wouldn't let us go with her, so Nick and I went up to the condo and sat.  I started to pace and sent Tyne a text, telling her Squirt went over to Dad's by herself and I didn't feel good about it considering all the shit he was saying to me on the phone about her.  When Mom and Tyne and B-Rye got back from the reception, Mom and I went over to Dad's to make sure everything was alright.  They were sitting at the table talking when I got there, so that horrible sick feeling that I had went away.  I stayed with her until we left, Mom went home at Dad's request. 
The talk involved the usual bullshit.  Squirt called him out on lying, he backpedaled, then said he was trying to change, but you can't believe a word he says.  Ever.  

When I got back to Des Moines I ran around the apartment, cleaning, organizing, feng shui'ing.  I felt ill but I couldn't stay still.  Eventually I binged on mac and cheese and went to bed. 

I need to watch it today since I binged, but that shouldn't be too hard since I still have this worked up sick feeling.  I'm going to give myself some leeway here since I had to deal with all that asshattery.