Sorry Everyone

I'm so miserable right now.
I had a great weekend of being really active, walking, dancing, laughing, and of course, eating.
I burned so many calories and had a good time doing it.  My body was wonderfully sore.
Now I'm sitting here at work.  Completely sedentary.  I hate it.  My back is killing me and I don't have anything except Aleve for it.

I just looked through all the pictures from Dee's b-day party and now just want to sit in the tub and pop open my veins.  I am so fat I can barely stand to look at myself.  I'm sitting at work with tears streaming down my cheeks.
How am I supposed to get through this?  Fat and unemployed.  I'm far more concerned about being fat than unemployed.  My jeans feel tight.  Why do my jeans feel tight?  Why does it seem like I'm still gaining weight?  How am I supposed to stay positive and focused when I hate going out in public, meeting people, or seeing people I know because I hate myself so much?

This is probably obnoxious for people to read, just seeing one negative post after another, but if I don't get it all out somewhere I'll collapse under my own misery like a neutron star.  I'm swarmed with thoughts of self loathing.  I haven't been this depressed in a long time.  I feel broken and defeated.