X-Mas Eve

So after I found out Nathan's parents were concerned about how fat I was, I bawled on the couch for over an hour.  The cats seemed disturbed, except for Tessa's cat, Satine.  She wouldn't leave my lap.  She's so intuitive.
It took me about 3 xanax to get calmed down.  Then I passed out on the couch.  I was so exhausted from crying.
I'm not even upset that they thought I was fat.  I was upset because I think I'm fat, and I was worried that that's what they'd think.
Nathan was pretty great about it though.  He was like, "I told them you've had trouble after your surgery and how hard you work at counting calories and working out, and they were really sympathetic.  Don't think about it, I think you're gorgeous!"

I went to the doctor on Wednesday and asked her if she could tell me anything I don't already know about my weight.
I told her I've put on 60 pounds since the surgery.  She asked about my estrogen and I told her it's still low.  My hormone guy wants to take it easy so my endometriosis doesn't flare back up.  She said if it's still low, then that would account for my weight gain, and I'd have trouble getting the weight off.  She told me to strive for working out an hour a day to get my metabolism up, and to avoid anything high impact.  I told her I did Farrell's and kept gaining weight and ended up rolling my ankle.  She said post menopausal women have weakened joints, so I shouldn't do anything that intense, or run, yadda yadda.  This would explain why my ankle still hurts, and my knees have been bugging me.
She told me to stay away from pills like Alli, since they make you poop your pants and the results don't last.  She did recommend the Sonoma diet.  She said lots of her post menopausal patients have had great luck losing weight with it.  It's a Mediterranean diet, lots of healthy oils, fish, and veggies.  I ordered the cookbook and the diet book. 
She also told me if I'm not getting results in about 6 months, that I could look into lap band procedures.
The visit was discouraging and comforting at the same time.  Comforting because this isn't completely my fault.  My body has gone haywire.  And discouraging because it's going to be even harder than I thought to get the weight off.  I guess I'll just keep at it.  Counting calories, wearing the BodyBugg, doing resistance bands and walking with some light boxing thrown in to keep my body guessing.
SIGH.

I was talking to my mom and sister about it, and they were so understanding.  All of my friends and family are so understanding and so supportive.  I don't know what I'd do without such a strong support system.  My little sister said, "I love how Dee keeps on you for updates.  She's cares about you and wants you to succeed."  I was just like, I KNOW, RIGHT??
So thanks again to everyone. :)