Maybe I'm Sad

I've been sleeping a lot lately.  I was doing really well getting up before noon and being productive.  Maybe it's because it's so gray outside.  Maybe it's other shit.  I fucking hate this time of year.  It's gray, there are way too many crows around, and there are people EVERYWHERE.  It's like the population of the the U.S. quadruples for 2 months.  I leave for Tuesday water aerobics at 4:45 pm.  Traffic isn't awesome, but I get there at least 10 minutes early.  The other day I was 10 minutes late because traffic was so bad.  People are ASSHOLES.  No one fucking moves over to let other cars in.  I leave 4 car lengths between myself and the car in front of me and I get REALLY pissed off when people look frustrated behind me.  Sorry, I'm turning this into a road rage blog.
Anyway, I went to the store with Nathan and there were no parking spots, then we were going to stop at Gateway Cafe for supper, but it was jam packed so we picked up one of those cooked chickens and left.  WERE DO ALL OF THESE PEOPLE COME FROM!!??

I've been thinking about Dad an awful lot lately.  I had this dream that he was grilling food at a big party.  He looked so happy, but he never talked.  He just kept laughing and looking happy and grilling.  I was walking between these white garages in a big green field.  There were hundreds of them, and in the middle was the party.  No matter where I was between the garages I could always see Dad.
For awhile I though I'd be fine not taking my higher xanax dosage, but as soon as I stopped it I got really sad and couldn't stop thinking about him.  I was going to get him some more mustache wax and shaving soap for x-mas.  I got him some from Etsy for Valentine's day.    He was so stoked because he couldn't find the stuff anywhere.  I got him a little tin of wax and a travel chapstick size.
I should go back to therapy, but I didn't like the therapist I was seeing so I quit going.  I feel like I can't be helped right now.  It's like, my feelings just have to run their course.  Listening to someone say that what I'm feeling is normal is not helpful.  I have a med check in January with January.  Haha.  That's her name.  I call all of my doctors by their first names.  Is that rude?  Should I be calling them Dr. So and So?  Whatever.