Not In The Mood

I'm not in the mood to blog right now, but I haven't in awhile, so here's a quickie.

I have sore spots under my bottom gut roll and under my tits that I can't tell are just irritations from thin skin or something else.  I've made myself a mixture of tea tree oil, castor oil, and glycerine and I put it on everyday.  It's really helped the belly, but my tits are still kind of gross.  I've been using that treatment as a general everyday application to all of my sweaty spots and I have yet to get another yeast infection and my rancid, obese sweat smell is almost non existent.

My body hurts.  I only have embalming clinical once a week, but I feel like it totally wrecks me.  I've always had problems being on my feet for long periods of time, even when I was a normal weight.  My feet are shitty and my back is shitty.   When I was young I had horrible foot pain, and a specialist told me I had Sever's disease, which is inflammation of the growth plate in the heel or something.  It goes away when you're older, but I've had to have shots in my feet before as well for bursitis, and that was when I weighed 130.
 Now that I have my own gravitational pull, it's excruciating.  I LOVE embalming class, but I dread it at the same time because I know my body is going to hurt like a bitch.  Last week I wore these heavy duty arch supports I got from Birkenstocks.  They really hurt my feet after an hour or so and since then I haven't had any feeling in the bottom of my left foot.  It's not turning blue or anything, but I think I hurt a nerve or something.  I tried another pair of insoles from Pedag and they rubbed a huge line of blisters along the inside of my arch.  Now I've got just some good old Dr. Scholl's comfort gel.  My feet felt pretty good at the grocery store and running other errands, but when I'm standing for 3-6 hours, it won't matter.  I see my doctor for my last bariatric checkup before insurance send off at the end of February, but I don't think I can wait that long.  I may just call her and ask for a referral to a podiatrist.  I probably need some prescription fat shoes or something.
My back I'll just have to put up with.  It will get better when I lose weight, but it will always be shitty since my discs are degenerating from trauma, which, again, started before I was ultra fat.  

I don't think I'm going to get my surgery when I want it.  I was really pushing for spring break, which is also my b-day.  I'm afraid I may have to wait until summer.  I don't know.  At my January appointment I had gained another 10 pounds.  I told my doc I'm just always so hungry, and I try not to eat, but then I get ravenous.  She told me to have a protein shake or bar every 3 hours.  So I've been doing that and so far it's working okay.  It keeps me satisfied enough that I don't crave horrible food.  I've been having a small piece of meat with steamed broccoli and cottage cheese for supper.  Tonight it was fish with cottage cheese and green beans.  I keep Skinny Cow ice cream in the freezer for my junk food cravings.  I've been doing well with that and I can usually just have one and feel fine.  Of course I have to go for the protein if I don't feel satisfied.  I think when I finally get this surgery and start losing weight, my muscles are going to be bulging.  I'm pretty muscular anyway, but with all this protein and having to carry around so much weight and doing water aerobics, I may end up looking like the Hulk.  Whatever.  It's better than being a noodle armed wuss.  (I'm looking at you Sara).