More Meds.... STAT

I may need to increase my psych meds.  I haven't felt this depressed in awhile.  I always dwell on how shitty I look and how fat I am, but today was the first time since college I woke up and thought, "I hate myself.  I'd be better off dead."  I can't go back to that place in my head.  It's so hard to get out of it.  At least when I was on Danazol I wanted everyone else dead.  Not myself.  As my little sister once said, "you'd rather kill others instead of yourself.  That's a healthier place for you."

I'm also having pelvic pain again, so I'm scared to take my estrogen.  I really wish I hadn't had to push my appointment back, but it's coming up soon.