There's really no way for me to express how angry and frustrated I am right now. I just checked Dee's scale and it said 275. A couple days ago it said 271. Weight fluctuates, I know, but it's clear I've gained another 20 pounds.
I put a pair of old pants on to go to the store with Nathan and the inner thigh felt weird. I put my hand down to check and there was a huge hole on the inner thighs of my pants. My legs rub together so intensly that it wore out the fabric and it finally couldn't hold anymore. I was going to have Dee patch them up, but upon further examination, there were tears staring along the ass pockets. Those pants didn't have any stretch, and it was abundantly clear that packing lard into them was just too much for them to handle.
So I need to get more pants now, which I disapprove of. But Nathan says having one pair of jeans and one pair of shorts is a bad idea. He said we could go shopping sometime and he'd pay for them.
I'm pretty worried about Dee's bridesmaid dress. Am I still gonna fit into that thing? I just don't know.
My vagina is super dry and itchy as hell. It's also excessively sweaty and the odor it's emitting is most disconcerting. I have a to do list for tomorrow. One of my things to do is call the doctor. I want my empty snatch checked for a bacterial infection and I want her to put me on a diet, so at least it's doctor recommended. Then, when that fails, I'll be ready for the lapband. And believe me. It WILL happen. I'm about 25 pounds away from 300. My top belly roll sticks waaaay out, and my bottom roll hangs so low it nearly covers my entire pube region. I won't stand for it. No sir.
Also, I was watching the Simpons today and they mentioned Homer weighed 239. I'm fatter than Homer. OUCH.
Also, my estrogen is TOTALLY low. I have to get some blood work done to see how low, but the skin on my face feels like sandpaper, I'm getting more hotflashes, my vag is super itchy and super dry, and I've been crying almost nonstop for 3 days now.
Tyne has had a lot of success with a program she got through work. She's lost 20 pounds on it so far. She said she's going to buy the program for me in May. Maybe this can help me. Tyne said you couldn't have sugar for 3 weeks, to get it out of your system. I'm not really sure if that includes ALL sugar, including fruit, juice, or chocolate soy milk (which I use in my protein shakes). I'm trying to start now, and have been okay so far. I went shopping and found so many cakes and cookies I wanted to buy, but I told myself no. It made me pretty goddamn cranky. The next day I wanted some peanut butter M&Ms, but I settled for a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich. Yesterday I was okay. I stayed away from sugar until I was at Nathan's. We had dinner then he broke out the box of Drumsticks. I had one.
Whoops.
About Me
- Fatbutt McGee
- A menopausal 30 year old, over two years after hysterectomy, struggling with body changes and weight gain.
Having one pair of pants *is* a bad idea (for anyone), but I know you don't like pants and they cost money. The rubbing part happens to everyone though, no matter what they weigh. The inner thighs of my favorite pair of jeans are starting to wear through too, and soon I'll have to toss them. Having one pair of jeans makes them breakdown faster as opposed to having a least a few or more pairs.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you explained this before and I missed it, but did the docs ever tell you where the other lesions were still left in your body from the endometriosis and why they couldn't get to them? I guess if they could see them, unless they were in a delicate/hard to get to area, I don't know why they left them there, resulting in you not ever having enough estrogen because they're afraid of making them grow. I would be really upset and angry in your position too.
Hey Tessa, well at least it's not me with rubbed out inner thighs!
ReplyDeleteThey didn't say if there was actually endometriosis still in there, but some of the adhesions are so tiny they can't be seen. Endometriosis is a complicated bitch. It's fed by estrogen, but hormonal therapy and hysterectomy sometimes don't work. My reproductive endorinologist (back when I went to him) said he's worked with women that still had severe adhesions, even after hysties and knocking out their estrogen. No one knows the actual cause of edometriosis. There are a few plausible theories, but nothing definitive.
I guess the very last resort for those women is a breast cancer drug called Femara.
It's all pretty crazy.
Jeebus. Yeah, I remember the adhesions were fed by estrogen, but couldn't remember if they could see them or not. That's so freaking weird. I can kinda see where cancer meds would work, 'cause it sounds like it spreads like a type of cancer.
ReplyDelete