My God, A Blog Update!

Why hello everyone.  I haven't blogged in awhile, so here's what so many of you have been begging for! (By so many I mean 2).

I'm still feeling shitty after Dad's death, but I'm back in therapy, so I think that will help.  I'm going every Monday, then we can taper off as needed.  I'm sure I'll continue to need xanax for awhile.  I can really tell when I've skipped a dose.  I'm still having dreams about Dad.  He never speaks in the dreams.  He just follows me, either in his recliner or on foot.  It's kind of funny that since he's died, I've stopped having dreams about killing him, or him trying to kill me.  It's like, mission accomplished I guess.  Maybe it's supposed to mean the universe wastes nothing.  Nothing just ceases to be, it just changes form.  Maybe Dad's still watching me in a different form.  The same thing happened when my grandpa Steele died, although I never had dreams about him after he died.  I always dreamed of killing him, and as soon as he died, they stopped.  Good riddance to that ass wipe.  

I'm enjoying (sort of) my new classes at DMACC and am getting back in the swing of water aerobics.  It feels good to move around in the water.  It's slightly easier since I've stopped using the aqua jog belt.  I find it impossible to sink since I carry my own floatation device around my gut, so I see no need for an extra one.

I've got my first fat meeting set up on the 13th of this month.  A nurse will go through insurance stuff with me and we'll schedule a meeting time with the surgeon.  I really hope we can get this done by December.  Being in this body is a nightmare.

I went to my primary doctor today, as requested by the fat doctors.  She was glad I was doing water exercise, and recommended I try doing recumbent bike, or try to do some treadmill stuff.  I told her I used to love doing the arc trainer, but I don't fit between the bars anymore, and when I did the treadmill, I was so sweaty and sticky and fat that I got a raw spot between my ass cheeks.  I just sighed and said, "I have so many fat problems.  Jesus Christ."  My doctor is so great though.  She told me not to give up hope.  I told her that Dad just died of a heart attack at 57, and she told me to make sure I tell the nurses at my meeting.  I'm also supposed to bring the journal I kept when I was counting calories.  She recommended I start doing that again.  It's a smart idea.
I asked her about losing weight before surgery, since that was something that Dee had mentioned.  They like you to lose some weight before surgery.  She said that might just not be plausible for me, since calorie counting and exercise have not yielded any results.  She said the hysterectomy essentially turned me into a 50 year old woman, but that with some time and with the surgery, I should be able to get my life back.  She said I've got a lot of medications and a lot of hormonal problems that are really slowing down any progress, and that the bypass should give me the push I need to really drop weight.  She said she's seen people in similar situations to mine, and they've had amazing results.
We talked about sleep apnea, since I told the fat doctors I'm always tired.  I told her I had put Nathan on the look out and he hadn't noticed anything.  She asked if I moved my legs a lot or got Charlie horses at night, or felt "the heebie jeebies" in my legs.  I told her I'm constantly moving my legs, from the time I try to sleep to the time I wake up.  I get a weird feeling in my quads that makes me need to move them.  She said it sounds like restless leg syndrome, and is arranging a sleep study for me.  I should hear back on that in about a week.
I also had her look at this little rash by my nose.  It used to be on my chin, but then it healed up on my chin and went to my nose.  It's only on one side and it itches like crazy.  I even made a homemade cream for it, since I'm trying to become a witch doctor in my spare time.  I thought it was just dry skin or irritation from hormone shit.  She told me it looks like acne rosacea, and it can be caused by menopause and made worse by hot flashes or anything that causes extra flushing of the face.  It can also be made worse by stress.  I SURE DON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT GOING ON RIGHT NOW.  DERRRP.  SO...  now I have to take this antibiotic twice a day for three months, then I can back off to once a day, then I can switch to a topical cream.  It's pretty much like having herpes and having to take Valtrex, but every now and then you'll have a break out, even though the medicine is keeping it in control.  I told her what the hell, throw another pill on the pile!
She really is a great doctor, and some of the menopause/hysterectomy stuff she's been through herself, and every time I got there she's like, "it'll take time, but we'll get you on steady ground."
I sure as hell hope so.