Au Naturale

My migraine woes continue, but I've been thinking about the various preventative measures, like more drugs, botox injections, etc, and that doesn't appeal to me.  So, I'm going to try magnesium and B2 (riboflavin).

B2 Facts:
Vitamin B2 helps in the treatment of migraine headaches. Problems like dry and itchy skin, acne, dermatitis, and eczema may be reduced or cured by the intake of vitamin B2. It aids in the treatment of anemia, cataracts, and rheumatoid arthritis. Vitamin B2 aids in the treatment of several nerve related conditions like Alzheimer’s disease, epilepsy, and sclerosis.
Although the human body has an efficient mechanism to absorb and conserve vitamin B2, sometimes one may have a vitamin B2 deficiency. A vitamin B2 deficiency can affect the metabolism of the body and influence the immune system and neural functions. The deficiency can cause abnormal sensitivity to light, various eye problems like itching, burning, and pale eyes. A vitamin B2 deficiency can also cause sore throat, mouth ulcers, pale tongue, cracks on the lips, dry and dull hair, wrinkles on the face, itchy skin, and sore and tasteless tongue. It can affect one's overall wellbeing. 
Migraines - check
Itchy skin - check
Eczema - check
Shitty metabolism - check
Watery eyes - check
Canker sores - check
Dry hair - check
Cracked lips - check

Let's move onto Magnesium Benefits: 

1. Magnesium may reverse osteoporosis

Multiple research studies conducted have suggested that calcium supplemented with magnesium improves bone mineral density. Magnesium deficiency alters calcium metabolism and the hormones that regulate calcium, resulting in osteoporosis. Intake of recommended levels of magnesium is important because it averts osteoporosis.

2. Magnesium prevents cardiovascular diseases

One of the most important benefits of magnesium is that it is associated with lowering the risk of coronary heart diseases. Dietary surveys have suggested that sufficient magnesium intake may reduce the chance of having a stroke. Magnesium deficiency increases the risk of abnormal heart rhythms, which increases the risk of complications after a heart attack. Therefore, consuming recommended amounts of magnesium dietary supplements may be beneficial to the cardiovascular system.

3. Magnesium regulates high blood pressure (Hypertension)

Magnesium plays a key role in regulating blood pressure naturally. Magnesium supplements and a diet including plenty of fruits and vegetables, which are good sources of potassium and magnesium, are consistently associated with lowering blood pressure.

4. Magnesium treats diabetes

Studies show that individuals with a magnesium deficiency have a risk of developing type-2 diabetes and severe diabetic retinopathy. Magnesium aids in carbohydrate metabolism and influences the release and activity of insulin, thereby controlling blood glucose levels. It has been proven that for every 100 milligrams of increase in magnesium daily intake, there was a 15 percent decrease in the risk of developing type-2 diabetes.

5. Magnesium treats migraines, insomnia, and depression

The numerous magnesium health benefits also include the treatment of migraines, insomnia, and symptoms of depression. Magnesium is also known to cure severe forms of psychiatric dysfunctions including panic attacks, stress, anxiety, and undue agitations. Magnesium supplements considerably reduce the severity of such attacks and may also help in reducing the rate of recurrence.

Women of all ages can benefit from magnesium-it's been shown to help build and maintain strong bones, relieve symptoms of menopause 

Magnesium:

• Gives rigidity AND flexibility to your bones
• Increases bioavailability of calcium
• Regulates and normalizes blood pressure
• Prevents and reverses kidney stone formation
• Promotes restful sleep
• Helps prevent congestive heart failure
• Eases muscle cramps and spasms
• Lowers serum cholesterol levels and triglycerides
• Decreases insulin resistance
• Can prevent artherosclerosis and stroke
• End cluster and migraine headaches
• Enhances circulation
• Relieves fibromyalgia and chronic pain
• Treats asthma and emphysema
• Helps make proteins
• Encourages proper elimination
• Prevents osteoporosis

Migraines - check
Chronic insomnia - check
Anxiety - check
Muscle tension and spasms - check
Possible bone weakness - check
Temperature regulation issues - check
High cholesterol - check

I ordered these vitamins and should get them on Wednesday.  I've got my fingers crossed.  I'm sure my body could use these supplements, considering I'm still in surgical menopause and am flipping OBESE.  

On the Down Low

I feel weird about talking about singing stuff because I don't want people to think I'm bragging, but I would like to mention it, I guess.  I'll just do it on here instead of Facebook.  My instructor told me she talked to the provost today about scheduling a time for my own recital in the cafeteria.  She wants it advertised in the Des Moines Register and asked me if that was okay.  Sure, why not?  She said it needs to last about an hour.   Then I'm supposed to sing in the regular recital, with the other students, and then have a third, longer recital at a nicer venue.  She wants me to come in for extra lesson times next semester, too.  I wish I could find a part time job that would be flexible enough to let me do what I need to do for school, but also pay the bills.  Maybe if I could do a night shift, like Dee and Sara.  I'm also worried about gastric bypass.  If I get approved and scheduled, I don't want to have a lot of singing down time.  I wish all these problems weren't all grouped together in one big mass of shit.

Money gets in the way of everything.

I had my 5th migraine of the week tonight, and was looking up different causes.  Not only can hormones fuck up your head, clenching your teeth at night can cause migraines.  That may make more sense than the hormones right now, since I've been having such terrible tooth/jaw aches.  So now I need to look into getting an actual mouth guard from the dentist.  The one I'm using is fine, but it will alter your bite after so many months of using it since it only fits over the front teeth to keep the back teeth from touching.  The only problem is the dentist's mouth guard costs about 500 bucks, and insurance doesn't cover it.  I don't want my teeth to shift, though.  When I wear the front guard, it alters my bite for at least half of the day, to the point where my back teeth don't touch each other.  Another doctor's bill is not what I want right now.

Ow, My Head

I just woke up with my 4th migraine of the week.  This is getting really annoying.  And last night I woke up suddenly when I realized I was biting so hard into my mouth guard that it hurt.  I don't know if tension is causing my headaches or what, but I'm getting super pissy.  It feels like a tension headache and a migraine rolled into one.  Right now my neck and jaw are almost unbearably tight, but I've also been getting a runny nose and watery eyes before my headaches this week.  I've gone deaf in one ear before, and I typically get blind spots, so I'm used to weird shit happening before a headache.  I suppose it could be hormone related.  I used to get migraines everyday in high school and had to make the occasional trip to the ER.

Oh, yeah.  I just found this.  Go figure.
Menopause Migraines

Naysayers

I'm passing around my Indiegogo link again since it seems to be losing steam.  When I first posted it I got great responses, but now I'm stalled at 6,900.  It pisses me off, not because people can't afford to contribute, god knows I understand that, but I see a bunch of other projects on that site that are getting a lot of money.  Some of them are just so stupid.  Maybe I'm feeling entitled, but for some reason I feel like my health is more important than a documentary about video games in the UK.  Call me crazy.


Another thing that frustrates the shit out of me is people that feel the need to give their two cents on something they don't know anything about.  My friend Leah posted my fundraising link on her wall, and one of her friends responded with this:


"I'm sorry, but I cannot donate. I don't see how gastric bypass will assist this woman. She says that it's her body making extra fat stores, which it will no matter how much she eats. I do wish her all the best finding other ways to work with her body.

Also, when working at Lane Bryant, I saw too many customers say "This is the last time I'll be shopping here, I'm having gastric bypass soon!" And except for 2, they've been back to LB sizes within a year... I hope she's the exception if she does have the surgery."

SUCK.  A.  DICK.  The success rate for gastric bypass is 93%, so fuck you, lady, for hoping I'm the exception.  If you can't afford to donate, that's cool, but don't say you're not going to contribute because this is some kind of fool's errand.  I've spent two years researching this, talking to doctors, nurses, and friends that have had the procedure.  I'm not naive, and I'm not a moron.  This surgery is a tool.  It's not a cure all.  I'm well aware of the risks and complications.  I don't feel like going into the details on how it works, so I'll leave you with two of the responses I got from people I went to high school with that are now doctors, not cashiers at Lane Bryant. 

"This is such a touching story. How frustrating to face an uphill climb that can't be controlled even with heroic efforts re: diet & exercise. Hormones can be a b***h. A body so dead-set on finding more estrogen will be able to overcome pretty much any amount of exercise. I am familiar with the OptiFast program (we have a lot of patients here at UCSD who are on it) and many have good results, so perhaps it can at least help in the interim until funding issues are resolved. Sounds like the insurer is being not only inhumane, but penny wise and pound foolish... weight loss surgery isn't cheap, but it's cheaper than paying out for years to treat a patient suffering from serious weight-related co-morbidities."

"As a physician who hopes to actually move back to iowa to run medical weight loss programs for teens/adults it is very frustrating to read about how someone who has clear indications for surgery is rejected from their insurance company. This is more frustrating when ifyou have Medicaid in Missouri and qualify, you are covered for surgery but not the necessary preventative medicine that prevents obesity in the first place or the needed medical follow up to manage the endocrine side effects after surgery. Any endocrinologist/internist who is well versed in the literature knows that in people who have complications (the most surprising data is with type 2 diabetes) gastric bypass is really the most efficient and proven way to not only loose weight but to reverse complications."

Poop and Biscuits

Shit.  I'm going to have to make a doctor's appointment.  I've had migraines everyday this week.  I probably need some preventative medicine to take like Topomax, which I used to take for mood stuff, and then I was switched to Lamictil.

ZZZZZZZAP!

I can't sleep.  My shoulder is keeping me up.  Every few seconds it's like, a jolt of electricity runs down my arm from my shoulder blade.  If you've ever touched an electric fence, that's kind of what it's like.  Thank goodness I go to the chiropractor tomorrow.  I'm not sure what's worse, this or my tooth pain.  Probably this.  I found a way to make my tooth stop hurting,  but nothing I do or take can touch my shoulder pain, except my chiro.  Seriously, this hurts so goddamn bad.

Pathetic

Yesterday was...  a day.  Nathan was having a Batman party with a couple of his buddies at the apartment yesterday, starting at 11 am.  I used to work with both of the guys at Iowa Telecom, and I was so embarrassed about the way I look and how much weight I've gained since then that I left the apartment in the morning and didn't come back until both guys were gone, around midnight.  My self loathing got me out of the apartment, but for a really pathetic reason.

I did a double red donation at the blood center with Sara in the morning, then I went to the dentist to see what the deal is with my godawful tooth pain.  They couldn't find anything.  Great.  And the pain has been so bad the past couple of days that it's triggered a couple of really bad migraines.  The dentist's best guess was my nerves are flared up from clenching.  she could see grooves in my teeth from me biting down so hard at night.  She thought there might be a crack, but she couldn't see one. She was also tapping on my other teeth and found the whole right side of my mouth was super sensitive.  Sooo, no help there.  I'm just supposed to take 800 mg of Ibuprofen 4 times a day to help with the nerve inflammation and wear my new mouth guard every night.  And I'm getting my teeth cleaned Tuesday.  Yippee.  At least I didn't have to pay anything for the visit because....

I FINALLY GOT MY NEW INSURANCE CARD!  After the dentist I went to the bariatric center so they could make a copy and submit a new request.  Pulling out of the driveway I burst into tears.  I'm scared and hopeful.  But more scared.  My unemployment is going to run out in about a month, and I REALLY didn't want to job hunt while being so fat.  Now I'm not going to have a choice.  Also I'm not sure how this is going to work out with me being a full time student.  I suck at juggling stuff like this, and I'm so easily stressed out nowadays.  Maybe if I could find something easy like data entry.

Anyway, after that I went to Sara's and hung out until midnight.  Sara and Chris, her bf, went to The Dark Knight Rises, so I chilled out and watched TV.  My tooth was hurting pretty bad and my eyes wouldn't quit watering and my nose was all stuffed up.  I thought it was allergies or something, but it was a migraine.  It started at, like, 7:30 pm and just kept getting worse.  I sent Nathan a text at 11 asking if his friends were gone yet, but one was still there, so I stayed at Sara's until I got a text from Nathan at midnight saying everyone was gone.  The pain in my head was so bad I started crying on the way home and could barely see the road.  All was well after I got home and got a migraine pill in my system.  Lord.

Till the Fat Lady Sings

That's me.  The fat lady.
My vocal teacher told me I get my own recital next semester.  At the end of each semester we have these little recitals in the cafeteria called "Music at Noon."  She says those aren't doing me any good and I need to sing somewhere that will make people sit up and pay attention.  She wants me to do 3 Italian, 3 Spanish, 3 Classical English, and a couple other arias.  SOOO, here are a few of the songs  I'm working on right now.  One of them is a bit out of my league, but Alayna is confident I'll be ready in no time.  I sure would like to perform at a much lower weight.

Some of these links are fucked up, so, sorry about that.

           This is Love's Philosophy, English

             This is Doretta's Aria (which I'm not ready for yet), Italian

                                           
                This is Lungi Dal Caro Bene, Italian

This is O Del Mio Amato Ben, Italian (skip to 1:15)

             This is Solveig's Song, Norwegian

This is Del Cabello Mas Sutil, Spanish

                     

           This is El Cant Dels Aucells, Catalan

             This is Down By The Salley Gardens, English

                                                 
      And of course, O Mio Babbino Caro, Italian

            Song to the Moon, Czech

Sleeping Ugly

Having a toothache is not interesting at all, but I've had one for 3 days now that has become UNBEARABLE.  I clench my teeth at night so I'm used to jaw pain, but this is insane.  Maybe I'm the only one that does this, but when I think something is wrong with one of my teeth I start obsessively feeling the others with my tongue.  The tooth right above the one that's killing me feels cracked in the back and is also quite sore.  I'm sure I've fucked my mouth up by not wearing a mouth guard.  I had one several years ago but I can't remember why I quit wearing it.  All I remember is I bit holes through it.  I still have it.  I pulled it out hoping it was still wearable, but it's all yellow and crusty now, and I'm not about to put anything in my mouth that can be described by those adjectives.  

I spent 70 bucks on a moldable mouth guard on Amazon.  It fits just over the front teeth and you have to boil it and then put it over your teeth to make an impression.  It's pretty comfortable, but I look utterly ridiculous right now with this bulky thing on my teeth and my CPAP mask on.  

I'm going to call the dentist tomorrow morning to see if I can get in.  I fucking hate dentists.  It doesn't even have anything to do with the procedures they do.  I don't mind getting my teeth cleaned or having cavities filled.  It's the way dentists' offices are run that makes me angry enough to not go regularly.  If you have to have work done beyond just an annual cleaning you have to meet a fucking deductible, which can be hundreds of dollars, and they always demand payment up front.  With the exception of dentists, every doctor I've ever been to lets you make payments.  Fuck you, dentists.  Fuck you.  

I should be getting my new insurance card in the mail this week, so I can resubmit my request for gastric bypass.  It's Mom's policy and I can be on it as long as I'm a full time student.  They sent a letter a couple of days ago saying my previous coverage made me exempt from pre-existing conditions, so I should be good.  If they cover it without a fight I can use my indiegogo money for the portion insurance doesn't cover and cost of follow up care.  I had to pay 2 grand for my hysterectomy, which I just recently paid off.  Huzzah.  I don't know how much I'd be saddled with for bypass, but I'm sure I'll probably have to have skin removal sometime in the future.  Who knows.  I'd like to have it done on my arms.  I've always hated my arms.  They seem to take the biggest beating from fluctuations in my weight and right now the skin is so thin it bruises and tears really easily.  It doesn't help that it's really saggy and just sort of gets in the way, making it susceptible to pinching.  

Anyway, it would be nice to have a money cushion for that.  From what I've read, insurance doesn't usually pay for that because it's considered cosmetic.  Whatever.  Suck a dick, insurance.  

CHRIST

My chiro appointment was very productive.  After water aerobics on Friday my shoulders hurt so bad.  I thought it was just from inactivity, but the pain got so much worse and I ended up taking like, 12 Aleve and several muscle relaxers.  They didn't help and I ended up with a bad gut ache.  I went in at 3 today and GOOD GOD.  I usually don't make any noise when I'm getting adjusted, even if it hurts, but she got 3 places in my mid back that made me cry out.  I felt about 500 times better.  She noticed my right arm wasn't moving properly as well and did this thing where she put her thumb right on my sternoclavicular articulation and it hurt so bad I thought I would die.  I asked her why it hurt so goddamn bad and she goes, "I'm gonna make it worse it a couple seconds, just remember that you love me."  She slammed down on it so hard I thought I was going to puke, but then it immediately stopped hurting and I was able to move my arm again.  Damn she's good.

Here's a product plug.  I haven't done one in awhile.  Black Salve.  It is THE SHIT.  Not the kind with zinc chloride as that will burn your skin.  I've been using THIS.  It's fucking magic, made of mermaid tears and unicorn farts.
I initially got it because I had an acne cyst under my nose.  It was so painful I could barely move my mouth.  It took two weeks for it to shrink down, but if I pulled the skin tight, there was a definite bump in there that I couldn't pop and wasn't ballsy enough to get with a needle.  As soon as I got this stuff I put a glob of it on the remainder of the cyst and just left it there for 5 hours.  There was a shit load of tingling and within two hours it had swelled back up to the size of a pea.  I wiped all the cream off so I could see what was going on, and there, sticking out like a third eye, was a nice white head in the middle of a hot, red volcano.  I tried to be delicate, but I put a good squeeze on it and it literally exploded all over the mirror.  I had to get out the Windex.  I've never known more instant gratification.
So black salve is a drawing salve.  It pulls out obstructions, yeast, bacteria, infection, parasites, moles, warts, etc.  I've got it working on the wart on the bottom of my foot right now since the wart remover I was using was just burning off the skin around it.  The wart is getting bigger, but that seems to be the trend with this stuff.  It will take longer than the other stuff I've used it on though, so I just have to be patient.
I also used it on a scab on my little toe that wouldn't heal.  I wasn't picking it or anything, it just kept getting bigger and crustier, so I slathered the salve on and covered it with a bandaid.  After 3 days, all that is left is a pink scar.  I also used it on an infected cut on my hand that had swelled up and was burning.  I'm allergic to Neosporin and needed something else to try.  I used the salve for 2 days and the infection is completely gone, as well as the cut.
I've got Nathan using it on a couple discrete places right now, and so far it seems to be doing its thing.
Some people say it will cure skin cancer, but I don't think I'd be willing to test that out.  There are some great photos on Google of black salve pulling out fly larva from people's skin in 3rd world countries.

A Better Day

I got up at 7 this morning to go to water aerobics with Dee again.  Amazingly enough I didn't have an issue waking up, but I've gotten up at 7 for the past few days.  Of course I need a nap in the afternoon.
I made sure to pack my bra and an extra pair of sandals so I didn't slip and fall.  My upper back has been killing me lately, but I go to the chiro today at 3.

This is a boring post.

What A Fatty

I stumbled on this while browsing through Huffpo.  It made me sick.  I've never heard of Kate Upton before, but according to some stupid bitch, she's 30 pounds too heavy.  Really?

"Well Marbled"

I don't know why I click on this shit, but here's the website it came from.  Beware, if you click on "the forums" at the end of the article, your head may explode.

Skinny Gossip

I don't know who you are, Skinny Gurl, but I'd like to force feed you the fat out of my own ass until your organs shut down.

Weird

I got an email notification from indiegogo saying I had a new comment.  It showed up in the email but not on my campaign.

Larisa Ustimenko said:

“Dear Tiffini! You can save your beuty & normal weight with any operation! It's inside you! I just read 1 sentence below big letters, I WAS RIGHT! I dont need to read more. You are amaizinly beatiful, happy & talented. If you are intresting in my words please contact me larisa_20031985@mail.ru or call +34 60 300 58 56 Spain FREE OF CHARGE!! About you is awful eraze that! and contact me! You are killing yourself with your own words! STOP!”

K, whatever.  

Fuck You, July 6th

Last night I was pretty low and did something I haven't done since college.  I took....  I don't remember, maybe 3 Ambien and 4 Xanax?  Whatever.  I was so depressed I didn't want to feel anything.  Of course I wrote stupid and incoherent messages to people and did some stuff around the apartment that I don't remember.  I had an herbal tincture brewing and somehow all of the soggy herbs ended up in the dishwasher.  I seem to recall laying on the couch talking, but I don't know what I was saying.  The good news is I didn't try to eat anyone.  I was worried about that since the onslaught of cannibalism in the news.  I slept through my voice lesson, but apparently managed to send a lucid sounding email to my voice instructor saying my throat was sore, (which it was).
Anyway, I woke up at 8 pm, went pee, then went back to bed until 3 am or so.

I was chatting with Nathan on Facebook since he's in Illinois and couldn't sleep, and Dee popped in chat and asked if I wanted to go to water aerobics.  We haven't gone forever, and I tried to get out of it, but we ended up going.  What a disaster.  The entire time I was kind of barfing in my mouth because I had eaten before I left.  Then when class was over we went in the sauna and I discovered my skin was peeling off.  Like, when I ran my hand over my arms or legs, a bunch of skin rolled up and came off.  It was gross.  After my shower I was getting dressed and found I had forgotten to pack my bra.  Dee suggested I free boob it, but I didn't want anyone to mistake my chest for kettle bells.  Thankfully I wear a bra under my bathing suit, so I just put the wet one back on.  Then I turned to get something out of my locker and tripped in a puddle of water and fell, AGAIN, on my bad knee.  The rest of me went into the lockers.  My knee has already started to swell up.
Being naked and the size of a planet in a locker room is bad enough, falling while you're naked and the size of a planet in a locker room is much, much worse.

Afterward I dropped Dee off and bolted back to the safety of my cave.

Oh yeah, I had another random person compliment my complexion.  Dee and I decided it's because my cheeks are always red, and it's older women that compliment me, so maybe they consider my scorched hue attractive.  Who knows.

No Way Out

I sent my mom an email about my indiegogo account and possibly going to Mexico for gastric bypass.  She was VERY against the idea of medical tourism and told me not to act out of desperation.  I've been desperate for a long time.  Incredibly desperate.  But I generally don't like doing things that my mom is so against, lest I be subject to an array of "I told you so's."  She was avidly against me kick boxing too, and then I hurt my ankle.
I don't have any of my new insurance info yet, since I just got kicked off of COBRA went on Mom's insurance, so I can't take anything over to the bariatric center so they can submit another claim.  If they deny me I'm stuck starting over and putting up with another 6 months to a year of being morbidly obese.  A thirty grand online fundraiser is a lot to ask of people that don't know me or don't know me very well.  So I'll just sit here and bawl.  I don't feel like I have anything to live for.

Medical Tourism

My indiegogo has been making the rounds and a couple people have suggested surgery in Mexico.  I've sent one of them a message to see what her story is.  I thought it sounded really fishy at first, but then I found this article:
Medical Tourism

I feel confused, but maybe this is a viable option.