Sleep Study

I had my sleep study done Wednesday morning at 2 am.  I got there around 1:15 and it took about an hour for them to get me hooked up to all the wires.  It was kind of annoying, but I got to watch TV while they were doing it, so I was entertained.
The first wire they hooked up was supposed to be under my left ribs.  When she told me that I was like, "the study will be over before you can find my ribs."  I think that made her uncomfortable, so I downplayed the fat jokes.  I had two wires on each leg, a whole bunch on my head, one by each eye, one on each side of my jaw, three on my chin, one behind my left ear, two on my chest, and two things that went up my nose.  One was an oxygen meter and one was a temperature thing.  Then I had this big thing the wires were all connected to that I had to carry with me if I wanted to move.  The bed was actually quite nice.  It was one of those adjustable deals, where you can raise the legs or raise the head.  I always sleep with a ton of pillows under my legs to keep pressure off of my back, so using that deal instead was kind of nice.  I'm glad I brought my own pillow because theirs were crap.  If I have to go in and do it again I'll bring my own blanket too.

So, the girl that was hooking me up said, "it looks like you're doing the split study."  I told her I had no idea what that meant.  Apparently I should have read the packet they sent me in the mail.  Oh well. With the split study, they started me off with those wires up my nose, then they came in 4 hours later and put a CPAP mask on me.  I asked what that meant and the girl said in the first half of the study I met criteria for needing the mask on.  I was kind of pressing for more information, but it seemed like she wasn't allowed to tell me or something.  Like, does that mean I have sleep apnea?  What does "criteria" mean?
Anyway, so they put that mask on.  I was able to sleep the first half of the night, but once they put that thing on, it was all over.  I woke up about every 20 minutes.  The mask itself wasn't uncomfortable, but there's a constant flow of air that comes through it.  Breathing in is really easy since you've got this rush of air, but breathing out and pushing against it is a real bitch.  It was like trying to breathe out through a stuffed up nose.  And you can't breathe through your mouth or all of the air from the mask whooshes out, and that feels really weird.  The technician said if I didn't breathe through my nose they'd have to put a strap around my chin to keep it closed.  I'm a nose breather anyway, so that was fine.
I had these weird dreams the whole night about some shirtless guy that kept coming in my room to check on me, but he was threatening my family while he was checking my wires.  It was kind of fucked up.
The technicians had to come in my room a couple of times during the night when wires came unhooked, but other than that they left me alone.  There was a microphone mounted to the bed so if I needed help all I had to do was talk and they could hear me.  There was a speaker system too that they could speak to me through.  At one point in the night I was tossing around because I wanted to lay on my side but they told me to try and stay on my back.  Someone came over the speaker and told me I could turn over if I wanted.  It was kind of freaky.  Another time I was kicking a lot and someone asked if I was ok.  I tried to tell them I was fine, but the air coming through the CPAP made it hard to talk.
I woke up at one point and turned on the TV and saw that it was 1:30 pm so I told them I was up.  There were no windows and no clocks in the room and you couldn't have your cell phone on, so I was switching through channels to try and find the time.
Unhooking everything went a lot faster and I took a shower there since there was all of this gunk in my hair from the electrodes.  When I was driving home I was trying really hard to pay attention.  I slept so shitty I was really tired and went up on the curb a couple of times.
I have to wait 3-4 days for the results.  I'm not looking forward to talking to that stupid doctor again.  I've already developed an intense hatred of him based on our one meeting.
I REALLY don't want to have sleep apnea, but I'm pretty sure that's what they're going to tell me.  So I've been thinking about that and wondering, have I always been like this and just didn't realize it?  Is it because I'm so fat?  Is it because I'm taking Ambien?  Is it relaxing my airway or something and causing it to collapse?  I just don't want to sleep with a mask for the rest of my life.  I can tell you that when I'm laying on my back, my tits and chest fat push up against my throat and makes it feel like I'm choking, so I hope losing weight helps this.  I'm still just assuming.  I don't even know what's wrong with me.
I hope they saw how much I clench my jaw when I sleep.  I always wake up with it hurting.  That's one of the reasons I don't sleep with my mouth open.  I'm too busy clenching.


In other news, I went and saw January about my meds, since I called in and requested the increase in Xanax when Dad died.  I was telling her about what was going on and she was so nice about it it made me cry.  When I was talking to her I realized I prefer talking to her as opposed to my therapist.  I don't think I like my new one.  I miss Peg.  She was perfect for me.  Anyway, January said not to worry about being on the higher dose of Xanax.   She was like, "you've got a whole spectrum of problems going on right now.  Losing your dad, sleep, weight.  Just work on slowly getting better, and it sounds like you're going through grieving normally."  That made me feel a little better since I've felt like an inadequate bum lately.

I'm going to wait for this migraine I have to go away then do some homework.