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A menopausal 30 year old, over two years after hysterectomy, struggling with body changes and weight gain.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Some Info You Probably Don't Care About

Here's a link I've been looking at regarding lap band shit, http://www.aboutlapbandsurgery.info/lap-band-diet.html

It's pretty informative.  If I ever had the procedure done, I guess I'd have to look at it like this:  I can feel comfortable and be healthier, or I can keep eating shit that I'm addicted to, like bread and sweets, and eventually have weight related health issues, like heart disease.  What's more important to me, my life, or food. 
I'm sure all this extra weight isn't helping my joints at all.  I keep complaining about my knees and ankles hurting.  Of course I've done a number on my right leg.  Falling on my bad knee twice and rolling my ankle.  It's hard to get up and down stairs.  Hysterectomy will weaken your joints because of hormone depletion, which is probably why my ankle still bothers me.  If I were 100 pounds lighter.....  well jesus, that's 100 pounds off my joints. 
I don't know, it's still too early for me to tell, and I can't do anything until I have a job and insurance.  I'd like to have the option for short term disability again, which is how I handled my hysterectomy.  Disability at Iowa Telecom allowed me to take 6 weeks off of work.  I'd only need 1 to 2 for lap band.
It's probably too early to think about this, but as I've said many times before, my weight is always on my mind.  There's never a moment I'm not thinking about it.  I don't want to spend the rest of my life like that.  Whenever I'm walking around, whether I'm at the grocery store or going around the lake, I'm immediately uncomfortable.  I start to sweat and I can feel my back rolls touching my waist.  I'll lift up my shoulders or arms so I don't have to feel it, and I know it's clearly visible underneath my clothes.  I'd give up cake and cookies and brownies to have that feeling go away.  I just don't think I can do it on my own.

I'd like to feel comfortable during sex as well.  I know my weight doesn't phase Nathan one bit, but I don't like being on top because my belly hangs down and touches his.  I don't like any position except missionary, because my belly and and thighs and arm fat droop to the side.  I feel awful during oral sex because my bottom belly roll is right in Nathan's face. For the first time in my life, sex doesn't bring excruciating pain.  I'd like to be able to enjoy it completely.  I'd give up solid food for 6 weeks for that.

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