Back On Track

So my BodyBugg had to be charged, so I couldn't wear it for a couple of days.  I went to put it on yesterday thinking it was fully charged, but apparently it only charges when my laptop is on.  It won't charge when it's asleep.
I'm pretty sure I either broke even yesterday or went over my calorie goal.  I blame my aunt.  Her sugar cookies are of the devil.  I got the munchies around 10 last night too and had a bunch of pasta salad.
I ate the rest of those goddamn cookies before work, so right now I'm at 760 calories.  Nathan and I are going to order some Chinese food later.  I always get the steamed dumplings.  Six of them are 500 calories, which isn't bad.  They're pretty filling.

My hormones are all fucked up from me not having estrogen for 2 weeks and now my hot flashes are pretty bad, I keep crying, and my titties are sore.
On Saturday night Nathan and I were hanging out and lifted up my shirt to rub my back since it's been hurting.  To my dismay he discovered my new stretch marks, all purple and thick, around my ribs, where I've developed back fat.  I don't think he thought anything of it, but I pulled my shirt down and said I didn't want him looking at me.  I always make him turn the lights out for sex, too.
Later in the night he was giving me a hug and felt I was all sweaty.  He said something like, "ew, that's gross" and for whatever reason I assumed he was talking about the way I look.  I started to cry and was like "do you think I'm hideous???"  Of course he said no, but I still feel really self conscious.
We're going to Illinois on the 11th of December so I can meet his parents.  I don't want to meet them while I'm so fat.  I don't want them to think, "oh gross, our son could do so much better than her."

I had a bit of a reality check when I was uploading my BodyBugg data.  It gives you little alerts telling you how long you've been using it.  I feel like I've been using it forever, and I should be at least 20 pounds lighter, but I've only been using it for 2 weeks, which is about 2-3 pounds lost.  I felt better and worse at the same time.  Better, because I'm not really failing, it just hasn't been that long yet, and worse because it seems like I've been working at this forever.  If 2 weeks feels like 2 months, then how am I going to cope with 6 months?  Or even a year?  Feeling a change in my body would give me so much more motivation, but I don't feel or see any changes.  All I see are new stretch marks, which is incredibly discouraging.
I think the answer is I need to fucking lighten up.  Mentally, not physically.  I freak out about this so much, and it only ends up making it harder.  :(