Perhaps Some Rambling

I've had Ambien in my system for about 45 minutes, so I may not remember writing this, but I need to get it out.
I totally snapped at Nathan this afternoon.  He was getting anxious that we were going to be late for his hair appointment and I just flipped out and yelled at him.  I feel like such a bitch, but I know why I did it.

I've been back to feeling fat here lately, partly because I'm dperessed and generally down, and then just today I learned that my BMI is in the category MORBIDLY OBESE.  Death from fat.  I am that fat.  If I had an autopsy done after dying, they would take one look at me and say, "no further investigation required.  She died from being fat.  She's an organ donor, so lets get all we can and sell the fat to the plastic surgery department for Kim Kardashian's lip implants.

When I feel so violently angry at the way I look, I get mad at the poeple who continue to love me for who I am.  Nathan loves me for who i am and also likes screwing me.  I find this completely unacceptable and think that he should be as disgusted with me as I am.  When he continues to support and love me I get irritated and try to make him see how gross I am.

Does that sound stipid or what???
I'm insane.  I'm such a shitty girlfriend;.  He deserves someone gorgeous and slender, not this unbalanced manatee.

I should tell him this is why I've been a cunt here recently, but he gets upset when I talk this way about myself.  Maybe i'll get drunk and do it.